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Being a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved many, mostly enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, but I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved casual sex. Every time I begin seeing any man, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with other men again.

Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy

I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, frequently causing lots of heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I want another man to care for me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I fear the emotional drain this might create. Should I just continue to have casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel a bit lost.

Every person’s sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to handle different types of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs in your current state may well change in the future; eventually you might become more decisive and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or not. One day you might meet someone who provides a transformative opportunity to you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about the future and playing the “What if?” game is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. When and if the time is right to deepen true intimacy with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist is a US-based therapy professional focusing on addressing sexual disorders.